so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
