this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
