Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
