I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
