I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
