Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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