singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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