The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
