I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Randomize