worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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