She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
