I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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