All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
pray to the hookup gods
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize