just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
