I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize