dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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