i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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