He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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