i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
