ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
