first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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