hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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