Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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