She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
