We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Randomize
