Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
