The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
