I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
