Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
