All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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