Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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