I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
