Porn is love you can see.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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