Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
