you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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