Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize