We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My vagina is very pro this idea
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
