Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize