I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
