i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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