in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
