I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
