Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize