Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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