Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Can you bring me the toilet please
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
