I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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