Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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