In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
