Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
