if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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