Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
the liver wants what the liver wants
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
