Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Floor bacon is actually really good
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
