i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
