CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
