just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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