I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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