Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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