I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
