i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
