she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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