who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If I had your ass I would rule the world
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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