Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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