if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
