I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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