You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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