ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
