Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
