i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
