Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Randomize