just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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