Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize