You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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